Dear Uncle Duffy,
I just got back from a trip to visit some relatives in the East. I have to say that I understand why we have all the extra security, but jeez, is it really necessary to wait in all those lines and have to show my ID about 80 times? Traveling isn’t very much fun anymore.
—Frustrated Traveler
Dear Frustrated,
Two of my grandkids just visited New Mexico from the West Coast, and they both had to take off their shoes at the airport. Somehow I don’t think my 7 year old granddaughter and her baby brother posed an imminent threat to the airplane or the passengers (except when the brother’s diapers had to be changed). I agree that it’s ridiculous, but there are the times we live in, sadly. Uncle Duffy would say that all those terrorists and future terrorists should go to hell, but that’s where they’re going anyway.
—UD
Dearest Uncle,
My husband and I were going to Santa Fe last Tuesday and there was a lady driving a truck behind us on I25 who was driving erratically. There’s no doubt in our minds that she was drunk, and this was at 1:00 in the afternoon. I was thinking of calling the police or something, when she suddenly swerved to avoid a car on the right, and she ended up rolling over and over and over in the embankment just to the right of the right-hand lane. I didn’t stick around, but I doubt if she survived the accident. Should I have stopped?
—Shaken up in Algodones
Dear Shaken,
You were correct to not stop in this particular situation. Since no other vehicles were involved, it sounds like it had a happy ending. One less DWI driver on the road.
—UD
Dear Uncle Duffy,
I used to pay a quarter for a cup of coffee, and really not that long ago. So imagine my surprise when I took my son and his wife to a coffee bar and paid about ten bucks for three fancy cups of coffee. Are they kidding? Who goes into those places? How come they’re not all out of business.?
—Caffeinated
Dear Caffeinated,
I myself like to go to the local Starbucks on the West Side, and plunk down about 3 big ones for a Grande Latte Supremo Colombiano (or whatever it’s called). The fact that some people in Asia work all week for 3 dollars does concern me occasionally, but I sure do like those grand latte Supremo Colombianos.
—UD
Dear Uncle Duffy
My mom pays me $5.00 when I lose a tooth. She claims it is from the Tooth
Fairy but I'm pretty sure it is from my mom's purse. Anyway, I've been
pulling all my teeth out and now have almost enough money to buy a new
skateboard. Except, I've just about run out of my baby teeth and I am not
sure I want to start on my so-called adult teeth because from what I
understand they do not grow back. Can you recommend other ways for an
enterprising 6 year old to supplement his allowance?
—Lisping in La Mesa
Dear Lisping,
You are indeed an enterprising individual. I’m impressed with your cleverness. Since adult teeth don’t grow back, you might wish to consider other ways to earn money to buy a skateboard. Since you live in La Mesa, why not have your parents drive you to the Village of Placitas and you can sell water to the Village People. They run out regularly, so you can probably get about a fiver for a glass of water. And if you sell them “gray water” to flush their toilets, heck, you can charge ‘em about 15 bananas a pop. By the way, it probably is your mom’s money, not the tooth fairy.
—UD
Dear Uncle Duffy
I am confused. Our kind and wise President says we have to get rid of
Saddam Hussein because he has these weapons of mass destruction. I am a
good American and I can accept this. But what is the difference between his
having weapons of mass destruction, which to the best of my knowledge he
has not used yet, and our dropping every thing but the kitchen sink on
Baghdad. I know we have to get rid of this mad man, he is truly evil, but
does it mean we have to get rid of everyone in Iraq too? I mean, those 1500
tons of bombs a night cannot only be killing the Iraqi soldiers, can they?
—A Loyal but Confused American
Dear Loyal,
I can’t figure it out either. I like the idea which was suggested by Hussein (who truly is an evil person) that he and Bush just have a duel. They can even choose their weapons of non-mass destruction – or maybe force each other to listen to the last 12 months’ speeches of both of them. I support out troops, I love America, but really don’t know why in the world we’re fighting in this one too.
—UD
Dear Uncle Duffy
What is the difference between a coyote and a dog? They both look the same.
Are they really the same or is there a difference. There is a nice one that
hangs around our house and I am thinking of letting him come into my house
and play with our two cats. Is this a good idea?
—Tilly from Tunnel Springs
Dear Tilly,
I think it’s a great idea to invite a coyote into your house to play with your cats. Certainly it’ll help you reduce the cost of cat food and cat litter in the future. Coyotes do look different than dogs, and you should learn the difference. If you don’t know the difference, by shape and tail structure, I wouldn’t try to pet a strange one. My buddy in Trails did that once. They call him Lefty.
—UD
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