The Sandoval Signpost

An Independent Monthly Newsmagazine Serving the Community since 1989

ASK UNCLE DUFFY

    Dear Uncle Duffy

    I keep seeing ads for Qwest on TV, showing that they’re this wonderful friendly and competent company, and everyone loves to work with Qwest.  Are they kidding? Do they expect anyone who has ever dealt with Qwest to believe that garbage.  I’ve had a few dealings with our local telephone company myself and can say unequivocally that they’re the most incompetent slow-witted folks I’ve ever had the mispleasure of working with.  I once tried to get them to cancel the phone I used for my computer, after I moved to a cable connection. Three times – THREE TIMES - they disconnected the line I need for business, and didn’t disconnect the correct line. I wish I were exaggerating.  Finally out of desperation (and it literally took one week) I got them to reinstate all the lines. So I’m paying for an extra line but I’d rather do that then go through the idiocy of having them try to disconnect the correct line.

    —Gary  from Trails

Dear Gary,

Yeah, I’m amazed at those ads too. Kind of like Bush ads telling us how great he is doing, or Kerry ads telling us how he doesn’t like special interests, or Nader ads saying that he’s not an egomaniac. I think all of us are turned off to the lies we get from commercials – whether politically or just from a service group which gives no service. Maybe if Qwest spent some money on training their operators (who no doubt live in Botswana) then perhaps they would be a first-rate company. Nahhh!

—UD

    Dear Uncle Duffy,

    What’s with all the cell phones at the airport?  And why do some guys (and women too) speak extra loud when they’re on the phone on an airplane or in the lounge. Can’t we get these inconsiderate clods to realize that they’re not in a darn phone booth?

    —Annoyed flyer

Dear Annoyed,

Yes, I totally agree. I think that most of these bumbleheads do it intentionally so that others would think they’re important – instead of impotent. I just think they’re pathetic and I try to stare straight at them and either scowl or give them a thumbs down and occasionally “the finger”. I was in an airport just yesterday and I made one of those cretins so uncomfortable that he left the seat and went to another boarding area at the Stunport [sic]. I’ve written about these saliva-frothing circle-jerks in the past, and they just don’t get it. So we all need to stare and annoy them.

—UD

    Dear Uncle,

    It seems like you’re really annoyed at the president-select and you seem to have some biased answers to pretty innocent questions.  I admire Mr. Bush (even if he technically didn’t win the presidency) and I think you should be kinder to him.

    —Republican and proud

Dear Republican,

I totally agree that I’ve been mean-spirited and un-evenhanded in my columns the last few months. I’ve been annoyed with “politics as usual” and with statements which I consider to be untruths. But I’m not going to get into that type of debate anymore. Hey, you vote for whom you like, and I’ll vote for whom I like. It’s a free country and still the best country in the world – in spite of recent attempts (and I’m not going to say from whom) to make it the worst country in the world. Pass the “ludes” before I write any more.

—UD

    Dear Uncle Duffy,

    It’s bad enough that we have meth labs all over the place, but now I hear there’s a leper colony down the highway from us – only 5 miles away. I mean, can you catch their cooties, if you understand what I’m askin’?  I got no problem with the meth labs, but geez Louise, I don’t want to get, you know, leprosy from some guy whose finger falls off in front of me in line at Raley’s.

    —All shook up

Dear All Shook Up,

If that happens at Raley’s you should politely bend down and give the guy back his finger, or whatever body part fell off. I’m sure he’s not happy about the loss of another of his digits, so Uncle Duffy suggests that you smile broadly, when you return the finger. (And no, that’s not considered “giving someone the finger” when it’s their own extremity). As to the meth lab problem here and elsewhere, I do enjoy the daily meth lab busts seen on local 10:00 news in Duke City. They show the same shot of a trailer, surrounded by yellow “do not cross” tape, while the local APD media ombudsman is interviewed for the one millionth time by the same lisping trogdolyte who nods vacuously during the interview, like one of those bobble-heads on the dashboards of slow-witted, glandular-deficient, sports nuts.

—UD

    Dear Uncle Duffy,

    As an extremely religious father of 12, I have to take some offense at what I consider a certain amount of intolerance for religious fundamentalists, which I’ve seen in your columns.  In spite of the fact that I hardly ever agree with you or your advice, I do find myself drawn to your columns, and in some perverse way, I enjoy the columns. By the way, I recommend that you see “The Passion of The Christ” immediately.

    —Your friend

Dear Friend,

First I appreciate the kind words, even though we don’t often see eye to eye to eye to eye. Second, I think I’ll take a pass on the movie. I did enjoy reading the newspaper this morning that some guy tried to crucify himself and hammered nails through his left hand but then found he couldn’t do anything with his right hand – since his left hand was nailed to a board!. He said that he’s a “big fan of Christ”. Obviously he’s not a big fan of IQ tests.  Thirdly, you might want to “keep it zipped” a bit, since the earth doesn’t need such large families anymore, since we can’t support what we have right now.

Finally, I do not have a problem with religious people of any religion. I’m delighted that you’re happy with it, and that’s great. What I don’t like is when religious people of any religion, seem to think that their religion is the only true one, and they set up roadblocks for the others who have not been enlightened. Give me a break!

    —UD

    Dear Uncle Duffy,

    Okay, I admit it, I’m scared to death of terrorists coming to Albuquerque and doing bad things like blowing up our subway system or something. Thank goodness we stopped that guy Hussein in Iraq (hey how come there’s no “u” after the “q” in Iraq…shouldn’t it be spelled Iraqu?).  Anyway, since our president and his wonderful advisors like that Congo Lisa Rice, told everyone that Iraq was behind the 9-11 rincin attacks, I feel much better since they just shot Saddam and his three sons.

    —Scared and just a little confused – maybe – in Ranchos.

Dear scared – and a LOT confused in Ranchos,

Wow! Where do I begin? It wasn’t ricin gas on 9-11. Unbelievable. You spelled Ms. Rice’s name incorrectly…almost racially, but I’ll just assume you’re a moron and not a bigot. They never shot Saddam; they captured him, but they did kill his TWO sons.  And, by the way, the current administration has reluctantly admitted that Saddam had nothing to do with 9-11, but that they were on a “mission” to get him. Yes, maybe you’d better not ride the Albuquerque subway system for a while, you might get lost in the Candalaria station complex.

—UD


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The opinions and advice printed here do not represent the opinions of the Sandoval Signpost. In fact we’re not real sure they represent the opinions of anyone.

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