The Sandoval Signpost

An Independent Monthly Newsmagazine Serving the Community since 1989

ASK UNCLE DUFFY

Jewish Haikus:

Lacking fins or tail
the gefilte fish swims with
great difficulty.

    On Passover we
    opened door for Elijah.
    Now our cat is gone.

    After the warm rain
    the sweet smell of camellias.
    Did you wipe your feet?

    Her lips near my ear,
    Aunt Sadie whispers the name
    of her friend's disease.

    Today I am a man.
    Tomorrow I will return
    to the seventh grade.

    Testing the warm milk
    on her wrist, she sighs softly.
    But her son is forty.

    The sparkling blue sea
    reminds me to wait an hour
    after my sandwich.

    Like a bonsai tree,
    is your terrible posture
    at my dinner table.

    Jews on safari—
    map, compass, elephant gun,
    hard sucking candies.

    The same kimono
    the top geishas are wearing:
    I got it at Loehmann's.

    The Shiva visit:
    so sorry about your loss.
    Now back to my problems.

    Mom, please! There is no
    need to put that dinner roll
    in your pocketbook.

    Seven-foot Jews in
    the NBA slam-dunking!
    My alarm clock rings.

    Sorry I'm not home
    to take your call. At the tone
    please state your bad news.

    Is one Nobel Prize
    so much to ask from a child
    after all I've done?

    Today, mild shvitzing.
    Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
    Five-day forecast: feh

    Quietly murmured
    at Saturday Synagogue services,
    Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.

    A lovely nose ring,
    excuse me while I put my
    head in the oven.

    Hard to tell under the lights.
    White Yarmulke or
    male-pattern baldness.

 

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