The Sandoval Signpost

An Independent Monthly Newsmagazine Serving the Community since 1989

ASK UNCLE DUFFY

    Dear Uncle Duffy

    My neighbor has a sweet little canary that sings all the time. My neighbor said that only the boy canary birds sing. Is that true? And if so, why is that?

    —Bird lover

Dear Bird lover,

Yes, the male canary is the one that has the lovely singing call.  The female also has a chirp, but generally much harsher and shriller.  Generally, while the male is chirping about love the female is chirping that the male was late again, and promised to take her to her mother’s nest for dinner and then to see a ball game like the Orioles against the Cardinals. The females are always making fun of their male partners, like calling them “cheep, cheep, cheep”. Males of all animal species are generally the ones who do the mating songs, just like those construction workers on Camino de las Huertas who whistle at all the babes who drive by with their tops down (I’m referring to convertibles of course).

—UD

    Dear Uncle Duffy

    Governor Richardson says he favors art education in our schools (my hubby and I do as well). But I read in the Sunday paper that he is not going to fund art education this year because he says the arts get "special treating within the funding formula". What does that mean? Sounds to me like a bunch of political hog wash. How can you favor art education if you don't fund it? Know what I mean?

    —Sandia Skeptic

 

Dear Sandia Septic,

Governor Richardson is far from perfect, but did put the cabash on the former governor’s education plan, which was to help fund marijuana research and triathlon training programs. His statement that he favors art education, but doesn’t fund it, is of course a lot of hog wash, as you stated. Uncle Duffy did vote for the guy, if the truth were to be known, but he wishes the Gov would put a few bucks into the coffers for art education, and maybe a few bucks for DWI enforcement so we can start driving the roads in peace again.  Generally he tries to do the right thing, but did you ever see a session of the low-life legislators, both democrats and republicans, in the “round house” in Santa Fe? A bigger collection of idiots can’t be found anywhere (except Texas).

—UD

    Dear Uncle Duffy

    I was reading an article in the Journal about the French banning Muslim women from wearing head scarves. The article says that the French only want to ban head scarves in schools. But still, isn't that like telling Catholics they can't cover their heads when the go to church? What is with those French idiots anyway?

    —Just Don't Get It

Dear Just Don’t Get it,

Yes, the Frogs have just banned head scarves for Muslims, skullcaps for Jews, and head coverings for Catholics.  They like to insult everyone at the same time.  Now, if they really want to offend the citizenry of France, they should ban woman who don’t shave their legs and underarms, they should ban all Frenchies who laugh at tourists, they should ban all restaurants which serve cow lips and hooves. France is filled with French idiots, just like you wrote.  Perhaps that’s why they say that anyone in France who swims in the river is “in-Seine”.

—UD

    Dear Uncle Duffy

    I think cell phones should be banned in restaurants. My boyfriend, Lawrence, and I were trying to have a romantic dinner the other night but half the people in the restaurant were yakking away on their cell phones. And those who were not talking on their cell phones, let them ring with all those idiotic tunes. What ever happened to people just talking to each other over a lovely and romantic dinner?

    —Ears Ringing

Dear Ears Ringing,

I’m glad you wrote, because I just came back from a few trips and had to listen to all those morons who insist on speaking on their cell phones in restaurants and on airplanes, and in airports, etc. Most of them speak very loudly, to try to impress the people around them – and all it does is make everyone hate them more.  Me, when I see someone on the phone in a restaurant I just go up to them and ask them if it’s for me. Last week at the Sunport there was a guy next to me in the bathroom, talking on the phone at the urinal.  I was expecting to see him have an accident, because (for all my lady readers’ benefit) I have to say that using the urinal should be a two-hand operation. And, the thing I hate the most is what you wrote – those idiotic tunes. Yes I love sitting in a restaurant, having a fine dinner with a special person, like you and Lawrence, and then hearing the “Mexican Hat Dance” coming out of the phone of the imbecile next to me. Some restaurants ban those things – and I will not go to a restaurant that tolerates them.  Are we all that important that we have to be accessible ALL the time?  Give me a break.  If you’re a reader of this column, and you’re guilty of doing the above, then you should be ashamed of yourself. Oh, La Cucaracha! That’s my cell phone. Got to run.

—UD

 


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The opinions and advice printed here do not represent the opinions of the Sandoval Signpost. In fact we’re not real sure they represent the opinions of anyone.

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