Uncle Duffy’s
punny jokes
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good
rhythm going when a fly flew into the barn and started circling
his head. Suddenly, the fly flew into the cow's ear. The farmer
didn't think much about it, until the fly squirted out into his
bucket. It was in one ear and out the udder.
A team of scientists were cloning monkeys when one of them blew
up. The researchers are now trying to determine what went wrong
by sifting through the rhesus pieces.
Lowell, Massachusetts, is an old New England mill town. Many of
the mills have been declared National Historical Sites and are included
in a federal park. The problem was what to do with the other mills
and how to attract more tourists to the area. One bright young marketeer
pointed out that Germans like to travel with their dogs and that
this was difficult in the U.S. Why not make the mills into canine
hotels? he suggested. The plan was adopted on a trial basis, but
not without some skepticism. Several months later, the skeptics
approached the young man to ask how the experiment was going.
"Just listen!" he said. "The mills are alive with
the hounds of Munich!"
A psychiatrist is doing his rounds with a couple of students. They
look in on one patient, and the psychiatrist says to his students,
"Sometimes this fellow thinks he's a temptress in a Bizet opera,
but today, as you can see from his goose-stepping, he thinks he's
the World War II head of the Luftwaffe. What condition do you think
he's suffering from?"
The first student replies, "Is he a paranoid schizophrenic
with a multiple-personality disorder?"
The second student says, "No, surely he just doesn't know whether
he's Carmen or Goering."
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