The Sandoval Signpost

An Independent Monthly Newspaper Serving the Community since 1988

ASK UNCLE DUFFY

AUNTIE ALISON


Things to Do in an Elevator

• When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

• Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

• Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

• Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

• Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

• Take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

• Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

• Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

• Ask, "Did you feel that?"

• Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

• When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

• Swat at flies that don't exist.

• Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

• Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

• Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

• Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

• Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

• Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

• Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"

• Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

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The opinions and advice printed here do not represent the opinions of the Sandoval Signpost. In fact we’re not real sure they represent the opinions of anyone.

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