The Sandoval Signpost

An Independent Monthly Newsmagazine Serving the Community since 1989

ASK UNCLE DUFFY

    Dear Uncle Duffy

    I work with my computer all day long.  Whenever I surf the web I get these annoying pop up ads, and most of them are for software programs to eliminate the pop up ads on your computer.  What am I missing here?

    —Annoyed at my computer

 

Dear Annoyed,

Yes, we have a word for companies who send pop up ads for services to get rid of pop up ads.  We call them “Extortionists”. I have found that the best way to handle those low-life, high-tech extortionists is to go to their website and tell them that if they keep bothering you you’ll destroy their website.  Tell them you know how to do it, even if you don’t. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. The other alternative is to wait for the government to have a stop-span number.  Have you seen who’s running our government lately?  Do you think they’ll do anything to hurt spam businessmen? Hah!

—UD


    Dear Uncle Duffy,

    I'm pretty un-political, even though I've always voted the party line (of course, Republican ticket.)  I think our president is a really nice person, but some of the folks at the country club are saying bad things about him, like he's been lying to get us into that war in Iraq.  I guess they still haven't found those mass destruction weapons he was talking about, and I guess there's some issue about what Mr. Bush said about the uranium. But you know, no one's perfect.  That other guy was having sex in the oval office (IN THE COFFEE ROOM for heaven’s sake!) and I think that's a lot worse than a baby lie about Saddam Hussein. I mean, I still plan to vote for the guy, but I don't think he's been open and honest with us. And even though his Secretary of Defense strikes me as a little bit shady,  I'm voting for Bush again.

    —Proud and Republican viewer of Fox News


Dear Proud viewer,

You deserve him and his vice-president.  Yeah, the other guy was having sex in the oval office, and wasn’t truthful about it, but jeez can you imagine what your republican friends and radio morons would be saying about him if he lied as much as the new guy. Keep voting for him and his buddies like Kenny-Boy and all the other CEO’s as the economy hits the toilet and the world hates us even more. Like I said, you deserve him.

    —UD


    Dear Uncle Duffy,

    My husband and I just went to a great lecture at the University of New Mexico. It was given by an eloquent poet and writer from the Southwest. I was shocked to see that even though there were many people there, the lecture hall wasn’t totally filled, and then I heard that some comedian is playing to a full house at the casino south of the city.  Where are our priorities?

    —Just Don’t Get It in Rio Rancho

Dear Confused,

You may be surprised to read this, but I too was at that lecture at the UNM and also think that that particular poet / writer is brilliant and great.  I can agree that it’s frustrating that the room wasn’t totally full although there were quite a few people there.  As to the comedian, people need a laugh these days, so it’s not surprising that that house was filled. I’m just delighted that many people still go to literary lectures and people still go to casinos to see comedians. Anything to get them out of their houses and to get that omnipresent TV off.

    —UD


    Dear Uncle Duffy,

    I love my husband very much. We’ve been married for over 20 years. He smokes about 3 packs a cigarettes a day and even though I don’t let him smoke in the house, our backyard stinks, his clothes stink, his breath stinks, and it’s costing us a fortune now that there’s a new punitive tax on cigarettes. I used to smoke too, but I stopped during my 8 pregnancies and after the last kid I gave them up. But how can I get him to stop – he says that the hype against the cigs is exaggerated.

    Smoked in Bernalillo

Dear Smoked,

This is a common problem, and I feel for you. Uncle Duffy was a 4-packer for years until his father and his brother got emphysema so badly that they had trouble doing anything. (They’re both long gone from lung cancer. Cause and effect?  You do the math.) It certainly convinced me, but I doubt that it’ll convince the nimrod you’re married to. Stop having kids with the chimney, it’ll just add to the growing number of fatherless children in this country. You can always stop having sexual relations with him too, as a punishment. You’re an enabler. You’re part of the problem. My wife stopped having relations with me and stopped cooking for me, stopped doing anything for me until I stopped smoking. So I stopped – sadly she’s still holdin’ out, but hey, that’s my problem and at least I don’t stink as badly – at least from smoking. By the way, have you noticed that it’s the younger people who are smoking more these days? Excellent! They’ll be dead before they can destroy the country worse than my generation is doing.

—UD

 


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The opinions and advice printed here do not represent the opinions of the Sandoval Signpost. In fact we’re not real sure they represent the opinions of anyone.

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