The Sandoval Signpost

An Independent Monthly Newsmagazine Serving the Community since 1989

ASK UNCLE DUFFY

UNCLE DUFFY’S
USELESS INFORMATION

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on.
Hence the phrase........."goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

And finally:
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

Here are some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

• Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

• Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

• Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

• Drive carefully: it's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
• If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

• If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

• It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

• Never buy a car you can't push.

• Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

• Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

• Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

• The second mouse gets the cheese.

• When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

• Birthdays are good for you: the more you have, the longer you live.

• You may be only one person in the world but you may also be the world to one person.

• Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

• We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty, and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

• A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.


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The opinions and advice printed here do not represent the opinions of the Sandoval Signpost. In fact we’re not real sure they represent the opinions of anyone.

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