UNCLE DUFFY’S
USELESS INFORMATION
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers,
and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of
the year?
A. Father's Day
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by
ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making
the bed firmer to sleep on.
Hence the phrase........."goodnight, sleep tight."
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for
a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law
with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because
their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey
month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old
England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at
them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's
where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked
into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed
a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your
whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
And finally:
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
Here are some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:
• Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days
you're the statue.
• Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you
have to eat them.
• Always read stuff that will make you look good if you
die in the middle of it.
• Drive carefully: it's not only cars that can be recalled
by their maker.
• If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
• If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
it was probably worth it.
• It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to
serve as a warning to others.
• Never buy a car you can't push.
• Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because
then you won't have a leg to stand on.
• Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and
dance.
• Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird,
sleep late.
• The second mouse gets the cheese.
• When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong
lane.
• Birthdays are good for you: the more you have, the longer
you live.
• You may be only one person in the world but you may also
be the world to one person.
• Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
• We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some
are pretty, and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are
different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
• A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery
on a detour.
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