The Sandoval Signpost

An Independent Monthly Newsmagazine Serving the Community since 1989

ASK UNCLE DUFFY

Pun intended

—UNCLE DUFFY

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

• Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

• The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

• When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

• The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

• A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

• We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.

• The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

• If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.

• A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

• A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

• A backward poet writes inverse.

• A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

• When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully-recovered.

• A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.

• You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

• He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

• A calendar’s days are numbered.

• A boiled egg is hard to beat.

• When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

• Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

• Acupuncture: a jab well done

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The opinions and advice printed here do not represent the opinions of the Sandoval Signpost. In fact we’re not real sure they represent the opinions of anyone.

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