The Sandoval Signpost

An Independent Monthly Newsmagazine Serving the Community since 1989

ASK UNCLE DUFFY

Signs seen around town

—UNCLE DUFFY

On a bathroom door:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

In a laundromat:
Automatic washing
machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

In a London department store: Bargain basement upstairs

In an office:
Would the person who took the step ladder
yesterday please bring it back, or further steps will be taken.

In an office:
After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside-down on the draining board.

Outside a second-hand shop: We exchange anything—bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?


Notice in a health food shop window:
Closed due to illness.

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
For anyone who has
children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the first floor.

Notice in a farmer’s field:
The farmer allows
walkers to cross the
field for free, but the bull charges.

Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

On a repair shop door:
We can repair anything. (Knock hard. Door bell
out of order.)

New vocabulary for the workplace and beyond

—UNCLE DUFFY

• BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

• ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

• MOUSE POTATO: The online, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

• SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children,
Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

• SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

• IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but that you find yourself unable to stop watching.

• GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

• PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking an electronic device to get it to
work again.

• WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.

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The opinions and advice printed here do not represent the opinions of the Sandoval Signpost. In fact we’re not real sure they represent the opinions of anyone.

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