Sandoval Signpost

 

An Independent Monthly Newspaper Serving the Community since 1988
  My Wife and Times
 
Daniel Will Harris

The Sandoval Signpost (Web edition) is pleased as punch (diet punch that is) to bring you the humor and insightful human observations of Daniel Will Harris, author of My Wife and Times. —Ed].

 

Time Out

By Daniel Will Harris

You would never know by looking at me what an exciting life I lead. Last week I had another close call—Yet this dangerous experience seemed oddly normal. At no time was I ever floating above my body, looking down. I saw no white light, well, except maybe for a headlight.

I was driving home and I realized my car wasn't centered on the road. I tried to get back between the lines, but the steering felt loose. Then, in a dream-like way that was all too real, I found that I could turn the steering wheel all I wanted, but it wasn't steering the car. In fact, the wheel spun freely like the red plastic one I had on my crib as a baby.

Luckily I wasn't going too fast. The road sloped to the right towards a ditch, so that's where I went. Better there than if I'd been driving on the freeway, or on a road that tilted into oncoming traffic.

And that was that. Not exciting, just potentially deadly. Maybe I keep having these near-death experiences because I'm a slow learner. My friend Molli suggested that I have them just to prove to myself that someone is watching over me. I like Molli's take better than mine. Either way, I'm once again thankful.

I was fine for two days. Then I got scared. Since then, time has been all out of whack. One example: I realized it was almost the end of the year. I don't know about you, but to me it feels like April.

The past week, with all this election stuff has seemed endless (don't worry, I'm not going to talk about politics). What I expected to happen overnight has taken a week, and life feels like one of those soap operas where it takes two weeks of shows to get through a single day of story.

When I was a kid, I remember adults saying, "time goes faster as you get older," but I couldn't imagine how that worked. Now here I am, an adult, and I can.

I have a theory about this: When you're young, you haven't lived many days. So each day is a larger percentage of your life. When you get older, you've lived many days, so each day is a smaller percentage of your life.

Do the math: Say you're ten years old. You remember being ten, don't you? If not, stop right now, take a nap or have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and remember. It wasn't that long ago, especially in geologic time.

When you were ten, each day was 1/3,650th of your life. At 30 (if you're not 30 yet, just play along, because if you're lucky, you'll be 30, and it will happen before you know it), the days feel only 30% as long as they were at ten. By 40, you've lived 14,600 days, so now each day seems 25% shorter than when you were 30--and it takes about four 40-year-old days to feel like ten-year-old day.

And yet—time is relative. If you've ever been in an accident, then you can remember how time moves in ultra-slow-motion. Maybe if I paid more attention, I could feel time like I did when I was 10.

Before you get depressed, there is an up-side to all this. The older you are, the more experiences you have, so the more you can relate to. So at 40, you should be able to understand and appreciate things 400% more than you did when you were ten. At least, that's my theory.

I spend a lot of time on the web. (Just think about the term "spending time.") I enjoy it, and it's become a vital part of my life, and livelihood. As you have surely learned first hand, time flies when you're online. And the longer you're online, the harder it gets to wait for slow pages, for sites that aren't clear about what they do, or for badly designed sites where you can't find what you want. So be kind to your site visitor and try to take as little of their time as possible. I now officially apologize for this intro being long and taking up so much time.

I don't know about you, but the universe keeps telling me to stop and be thankful for the time I've had, and be hopeful about the time to come.

dwh sig

My Wife and Times Cover

 

If you would like to read more fabulous stories, you need Daniel Will Harris’s My Wife and Times. The 148 page book contains stories that are conveniently short, perfect for bedtime reading, or between airport friskings. Price: $15 postpaid and is available for purchase online at www.SchmoozeLetter.com/book or on Amazon.com.

 
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